Torturing Link
by BlindandMute
Summary: This used to be "Flashbacks" Now the title changed me and my freind and some Zelda characters go through the day that will displease Link in any shape,way or form. That's it for now I'm off to cause havoc get the frying pan when I'm done
1. Chapter 1

_Hi guys! In this fic I will TRY and be funny but as a surpriser I will also be in here and my friend LK!17 It's called flashbacks we "Flashback" to an embarrassing or funny time that happened to Link that I will be making up but it will go chapter by chapter._

RedEyed: Hello!

LK17: And welcome!

RedEyed: Today we will be guest on my own fic!

Link: Oh great just what we need

Zelda: I'm still waiting for an answer god why make this maniac in love with MY GAME

RedEyed: Ignoring that comment

LK17: Let's begin shall we?

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_Link was sitting with a bunch of boy__s__ his age and just hanging out you know doing teenaged guy things, when Colin __comes__ "Hey Link can I hang out with you?" He asked hopefully. Link looked at his friends then at Colin and said "Well Colin you see you__'__r__e__ too young to be hanging out with these guy but uh………………….here you can have this" Colin takes a pen from Link's hand and frowns he turns it over in his hands and takes a good look at it. "Why is there a picture of a girl with a bikini on it?" Colin's mom gasps and covers her child's eyes. __"__Ack__Wrong pen!"__ Colin and his mom walk away while __Uli__ glares at Link and his friends laugh at him._

Zelda: Link, Why DID you have a pen with a girl in a bikini on it?

Link: (blushes madly) Well……….I um…………… You see here's the thing that's not mine it belongs to a friend named Link, Benny! Uh Benny Jumbalia

Lk17: Benny Jumbalia? Well I believe it!

RedEyed and Zelda: (shakes head in annoyance)

RedEyed: You see Zelda I'm not the only idiot around here

Zelda: I stand corrected

Lk17: Heh heh Link is a pervert

Beth: I know he is

Everyone: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Zelda: Beth, what are you doing here?!

Beth: I came here to say this, Link, Ilia broke into your house and stole your boxers again

Lk17: Why say that live on the internet? She already hates you

Beth: Which means I have nothing left to lose!

RedEyed: Security!

Beth: You will never take me alive! (gets dragged away)

Link: They just took you alive Beth!

Zelda: Link stop trying to be funny

Link: yes ma'am

Lk17: Now what? We already embarrassed Link

Link: You mean you only did this to embarrasse me!?

Zelda: Duh

RedEyed: But why should we? I mean he's good at doing it himself

Lk17: true so very true

Zelda: Well now what (pauses) Do you hear something?

Everyone except Link: (listens)

Link: (getting hyper on chocolate) heheheheheheheh!!!!!! CHOCOLATE!!!!!!! CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lk17: Hey I'm the only one who is supposed to get hyper on chocolate!

RedEyed: What did I tell you Zelda? He's good at embarrassing himself

Zelda: What to get a smoothie?

RedEyed: Ok but you're paying; See you guys next time on "Flashbacks!"


	2. Chapter 2

RedEyed and Lk17: We're baaaaaaack!

Everyone: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Lk17: God why be so mean?

RedEyed: Just for that I will burn you with my mighty author powers!

Everyone and Lk17: What?

RedEyed: MWAHAHAHAH!!!! (shoots out lightning but misses and hits Link)

Link: Hey OW!! Why make me your victim for everything?

Zelda: Well let's think shall we? They said they were going to do that in the first chapter

Lk17: You should have seen that coming man I feel bad for everyone who had to deal with this guy

Midna: You're telling me! God do you know how annoying it is for someone to call you every five seconds to tell them what to do, EVEN THOUGH THEIR TASK IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM

RedEyed: Heh heh man the producers must have wanted to annoy someone if they made them get stuck with Link for the WHOLE game

Zelda: I'm getting bored can we see what Link does wrong this time?

Midna: You mean we get to see embarrassing things Link does

Lk17: Yup that's basically it

Midna: Count me in!

Link: Oh my god! Come on people I can't be THAT stupid!

Everyone even viewers: (stares at Link)

Link: Whoa tough crowd

RedEyed: I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my mom, my dad, the postman, the cashier and the corner store, my teacher, my pet d-

Midna: get on with it!

RedEyed: If you would please go back to your seat I wou-

Zelda: Get on with it!

RedEyed: People please be patient!

Everyone: GET ON WITH IT!

RedEyed: Ok ok sheesh

Lk17: Here is the next embarrassing moment that happened to Link!

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_Link finally achieved the Master Sword and was being trained by that skeleton guy. Once they were finished the skeleton dude said. "Link you must pay attention to your enemies once I am done teaching you, you will be a man!" Link scoffed and turned away. "Hah! I'm already a man!" As he turned around to leave he screamed in a high girlish scream. __"AHHH!!!__A SPIDER!!"__ He ran away crying for his mom while the skeleton person shook his head in annoyance. "Yeah, some guy you'll turn out to be"_

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Zelda: Geez Link you make one perfect girl

Midna: With his high shrill girly voice all he needs is a make over!

Link: Stay away from me you savages!

Lk17: Ok that's enough

RedEyed: Yeah stop picking him!

Link: Oh thank god! NOW you care

Lk17: We're the only ones allowed to do that

RedEyed: He is our personal helper monkey

Link: Gee thanks, now I feel loved

Midna: Who would love you?

Zelda: Except that Ilia girl who is following you around a lot

Midna: I have an embarrassing question.

RedEyed and Lk17: Do tell

Midna: Do you like Ilia back?

Link: (stares at all the faces staring back at him)

????: Yeah Link do you like me back?

Zelda: Ilia!? How did you get in here?

Midna: Yeah the door was locked

Ilia: Just because the door was locked doesn't mean all your windows were

Link: (blushes until he is tomato red) Um……….H-hi I-I-Ilia we were just talking about you right guys?

Everyone: Don't drag us into this

Lk17: So what were you going to say Link?

Midna: Yeah do tell

Link: (still stuttering)

Talo: Just say it already!

Zelda: Talo get out of here this is no place for kids!

Talo: I am no kid I am a mature adult! Just young and short

Talo's dad: Talo where are you!?

Talo: Daddy!

Lk17: Oh yeah is sure would make one nice adult

Link: Um… I uh I uh

Ilia: Well

Midna: We're waiting

Link: I I I I I I I I I I

Ilia: He stuttering again!

RedEyed: Well that's all the time we have for now if you want to see what happens between Link and Ilia (which I'm sure is no Romance) wait until next time!

Lk17: I'm hungry anybody want a hamburger?

Everyone: TO MCCDONADLS!

Zelda: And please be sure to give us any ideas you have to embarrass Link

Midna: PLEASE!

RedEyed and Lk17: See you next time on "Flashbacks!"


	3. Chapter 3

RedEyed: (sleeping)

Lk17: Dude wake up we're on live

Midna: Wow this is embarrassing

Link: How do you think we should wake her up?

Zelda: Lk17 you MUST have an idea you're like her best friend

Lk17: Well there is one way to wake her up its-

Midna: Does is involve violence (stares at her hopefully)

Lk17: (stares at her) Uh… no RedEyed we're making chocolate chip pancakes!

RedEyed: Cool! I'll have twelve. Wait a minuet; We're on live aren't we?

Link: And you say I'm stupid

Zelda: People of America I hope your watching the worlds biggest idiot!

RedEyed and Link: HEY!

Lk17: Can we see today's flashback?

Midna: My favorite part is torturing Link after it

Zelda: Just get on with the story!

Ilia: Hold it! You still didn't answer last chapter's question.

Midna: Oh right! Do you like Ilia?

Link: (starts to sweat) Maybe ok the truth is I don't know

Lk17: (sarcastically) Wow that's a shock you barely know anything!

Link: Well I never!

RedEyed: You never what? Never think?

Midna: What about you? You fell asleep when we were on!

Zelda: uh (ahem) Lk17 how about we just introduce the new story our self

RedEyed, Link Ilia, Midna: (still fighting in the backround)

Lk17: Maybe this new flashback will get them to stop LIGHTS!

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_It was mother's day and Link didn't know what to get his mom. He thought about that perfume she liked and decided to get her that. Problem was he forgot the name of the perfume! "Oh well if I just smell different bottles of perfume I might be able to find it" As he walked to Castle Town to the perfume cart something occurred. For some reason everyone panicked and ran in a frenzy. What the heck was happening? Link ran in the opposite direction but unfortunately he ran next to another perfume cart and smelled his mom's favorite perfume, some old lady with a heavy looking purse was wearing it. "That's it! That's the smell of love come to me!" The lady walked back and raised her purse. "Pervert!" Link never knew why she had bricks in her purse until that day and walked home with a black eye and sore face._

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RedEyed, Midna, Ilia: (trying to hold in their laughs)

Zelda: At least they stopped fighting right?

Everyone except Link: (laughs out of control)

Link: I hate you people

Lk17: We know Link but we all love you!

RedEyed: For being an idiot!

Zelda: (Wipes tear out of her eye)

Ilia: Now what?

Midna: No idea no reviews listened to us last time and didn't give us an idea

Link: What? We're just going to stand here?

RedEyed: Well for me whenever I do this it makes me laugh

Link: And what's that?

Lk17 and RedEyed: THIS! (pulls out over sized mallet)

Midna: Ooohhh I'm going to like this!

Ilia: Anything that involves violence you like

Midna: Your point?

Ilia: (sighs) just eat your popcorn (shoves popcorn in her face)

Link: KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME!!!

Lk17: You know what? I got a better idea then the mallet

RedEyed: And what would that be?

Lk17: (whispers in her ear)

RedEyed: (smiles evily) That's perfect, Zelda open the door!

Zelda: (chuckles evily and opens a door revealing fangirls)

Random fangirl: It's Link! GET HIS SHIRT!

Link: What? (gets attacked by fangirls)

Everyone: (laughs out of control)

Midna: (Tries to breath) If you have ANY ideas on how to embarrass Link please review and tell us

Ilia: PLEASE this is way to fun to watch Link get hurt

Link: Curse you evil authors! And all your confusing typing machines!


	4. Chapter 4

RedEyed: (silent)

Lk17: Dude talk we're on

RedEyed: (is still silent)

Zelda: What's her problem?

Midna: I think she is mad

Ilia: You think?

RedEyed: You know what? Screw the opening sequence

Link: Harsh way to put it.

RedEyed: What? You want me to say it like a girly prep?

Midna: Do it! Let's see if you can

RedEyed: Ok here I go (ahem) SCREW THE FREAKING OPENING SEQUENCE

Lk17: I wouldn't call that a "Girly prep"

Zelda: um…Lk17? I don't think we should talk to her right now

Link: Hey RedEyed! Come on say something! What is wrong with you!?!?

Ilia: I don't think you should have said that

Link: Why?

RedEyed: (pulls out a mallet)

Midna: That's why

RedEyed: I need to take my anger out who will be my punching bag!?

Everyone: (points to a different person)

RedEyed: Ok I chose Link!

Link: What!? Why me!?

Lk17: Because this is a fic where we torture you

Zelda: The next thing you shall read is CENSORED if your under 95 look away!

_RedEyed Chases link down the street with, no not a mallet, a CHAINSAW, yep you heard me a chainsaw! As they run down the street the sound of the chainsaw gets fainter. After that we hear a LOUD scream and red liquid everywhere. When we all went to see what happened RedEyed was beating Link with a metal baseball bat and spilled a little girl's cherry cola………..we laughed._

Ilia: Ok the following is back to K! you can look again!

Midna: (sighs with satisfaction) Don't you just love it when Link gets hurt?

Everyone except Link: You bet!

Lk17: (ahem) Since RedEyed couldn't be here becau-

RedEyed: (Laughing manically while she hangs Link by his feet from a tree)

Lk17: what are you guys doing? Don't point the camera there! Look at me! (clears throat) Here is the new Flashback!

Midna: Finally!

Zelda: Shhhhhhh…. It's starting

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_Link has yet again defeated another creature. He was on the ground breathing heavily as Link was about to kill him. Before he killed him Link picked him up by his collar and said "I have one last meaningless question before I kill you, what's your favorite collar?" " Ohh! Pink! No, hot pink Kind of a lightish darkish pink" Link screamed in a way cheerleadrs would do when they are happy. "Excuse me?" asked Link's enemy. Then Link breath out these words one by one. "I. Like. Pink. Too."_

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Zelda: Ok what was that?

Midna: That was more creepy instead of funny

Ilia: But it still was funny!

Everyone: (laughs out of control)

Lk17: I'm still worried about RedEyed and Link (gasp) I hope she didn't murder him!

Link: No she let me get attacked by first graders and when they were done she continued the job! What got her so mad today?!

Everyone: (stares at RedEyed) Why are you mad?

RedEyed: Because! I sent Barney a letter and he didn't pick it and read it!

Zelda: (blinks) Barney?

Midna: That freaky purple thing that DOES NOT look like a dinosaur?

RedEyed: Yeah and ever since then I hated him I even wrote this poem of how I killed Barney!

Everyone: YOU KILLED BARNEY!?!?!?

RedEyed: Shhhhhhhhh………Listen to my poem

On top of a mountain all covered in blood

Is where I killed Barney with my rifle shot-gun

I went to his funeral

I went to his grave

Some people threw flowers but I threw a grenade

As he rose from the dead I took my bazooka

And BAM! Off went his big giant head

Lk17: I'm scared now

Link: (runs out of the studio) KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!

Lk17: Ummm……That's all the time we have for today

Zelda: If you have any ideas on how to embarrass Link please review and tell us

Ilia: Come on people it's not that hard! Just click the god-for-saken button and tell us your idea!

Midna: Please ignore her mentally retardness I think she got that from RedEyed

RedEyed: (outside of the studio torturing Link) I heard that Midna! YOUR NEXT!

Midna: Any advice?

Zelda: Wear a helmet and bring like 5 body gaurds

Midna: Gee now I feel so secure

Ilia; Your welcome!

Zelda and Lk17: We need to get new friends


	5. Chapter 5

RedEyed: Welcome one and all!

Lk17: We have a really cool surprise in store for you all!

Link: (gasp) Are you guys not going to torture me for this chapter?

Midna: And where is the fun in that?

RedEyed: Instead of a flashback we will be performing a play!

Lk17: It's called "Charlie the Unicorn!"

Zelda: Oh I love Charlie the Unicorn!

Ilia: It was really funny who will be the actors?

RedEyed: I will be the Purple Unicorn

Lk17: I will be the pink Unicorn

RedEyed and Lk17: And Link will be Charlie!

Link: WHAT!?!?!?!? You know what happens to him at the end of the play!

Midna: That's why you're Charlie this is a fic where we torture you

Zelda: How many times do we have to say it?

Ilia: Ok let's start the show!

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RedEyed: heeeeeeeeeyyyyyy Charlie hey Charlie wake up!

Lk17: Yeah Charlie, You silly sleepy head wake up!

Link: Uhngg….oh god you guys this better be fricken important is the meadow on fire?

RedEyed: No Charlie we found a map to Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain Charlie!

Lk17: Yeah Charlie we're going to Candy Mountain! Come with us Charlie!

RedEyed: Yeah Charlie! It will be an adventure! We're going on an adventure Charlie!

Link: (blinks) Yeah Candy Mountain ,right I'm just gonna you know go back to sleep now.

RedEyed: Noooo!! (bounces on top of Link) Charlie you have to come with us to Candy Mountain! (continues to bounce on Link)

Lk17: Yeah Charlie! Candy Mountain! It's a land of sweets and joy and joyness

Link: Please stop bouncing on me

RedEyed: Candy Mountain Charlie!

Lk17: Yeah Candy mountain!

Link: Alright fine I'll go With you to Candy Mountain!

Midna: I'll continue from here! Soon a meteor came and killed them all right?

Lk17: Uh…No just watch the play!

Link: And enough with the violence already!

RedEyed and Lk17: (singing while walking through the forest)

Link: Ahh! Enough with the singing already!

RedEyed: Our first stop is over there Charlie!

Link: Oh god what is that?

RedEyed: It's a leopleurodaun Charlie

Lk17: A magical Leopleurodaun!

RedEyed: It's going to guide our way to Candy Mountain!

Link: Ok you do know there is no such thing as Candy Mountain right?

RedEyed; Shun the non-believer

Lk17: Shhuuuuuuuuuuunn

RedEyed: Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnna

Link: Yeah

Leopleurodaun: (starts to growl)

RedEyed: It has spoken!

Lk17: It has told us the way!

Ilia: Ohh! Let me guess they get eaten by the thing that's hard to pronounce!

Lk17: OMG just shut up and watch the play! God!

Link: What is with you people and violence? Anyway (continues with the play) it didn't say anything!

RedEyed: It's just over this bridge Charlie

Lk17: This magical bridge, of hope and wonder

Link: Is anyone else getting like covered in splinters? Seriously guys we should be on this thing

RedEyed; CChhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrllllliiiiiiieeeeee Cccccchhhhhhhaaaaarrrrrrrlllllliiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee Char-

Link: I'm right here what do you want!?

RedEyed: We're on a bridge Charlie!

Lk17: We're here! (approaches a mountain that looks like it's made of cardboard)

Link: Well what do you know there really is a Candy Mountain

RedEyed: Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain! You fill me with sweet sugary goodness!

Lk17: Go inside the Candy Mountain cave Charlie

RedEyed: Yeah Charlie go inside the cave! Magical wonders are going to behold when you enter

Link: Uh… Thanks but no thanks I'm gonna stay out here

Lk17: But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave Charlie!

(The letters that spell the word CANDY come out and start singing and dancing)

The letter "Y": _Oh when __your__ down and looking for some cheering up the just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave!_

_When you get inside you'll find a cheery land__! Such a happy and joyful perky merry land_

_They got lollipops of gummy drops and candy things oh so many things that would brighten up your __da__y_

_It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town! It's the place of the candy cane!_

_(They all start floating around in the sky STILL singing the song)_

_They've got jelly beans and coconuts with little hats! Candy rats, chocolate mats it's a wonder land of sweets_

_Find a candy train to the town__ and hear the candy band! Candy Bells as they march across the land!_

_Candy ribbons stream across the sky onto the ground turn around it astounds the candy dancing tree._

_And the candy canes imagination runs so sweet! So Charlie would please go into the cave? (__letters__ explode)_

Link: Alright fine I'll go into the fricken candy cave! (goes inside cave)

RedEyed and Lk17: (laughs evily)

RedEyed: Goodbye Charlie!

Lk17: Yeah goodbye!

Link: goodbye? What? (cave entrance shuts) What's going on here? (footsteps) Hello? Who's there? (Link falls unconscious and wakes up to find himself in the exact spot from the beginning of the play) Ow, what happened? (looks at his side) Oh my god they took my fricken kidney!

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Midna: Yeah! Violence! They took Link's kidney!

Zelda: (trying to breath) Oh god hilarious!

Ilia: (holding her sides still laughing)

Link: (sighs) At least you guys didn't take my kidney for real

Lk17: Um..yeah about that

Link: YOU TOOK MY KIDNEY!?!?!/

RedEyed: No we didn't

Link: Oh god that's a relief

Lk17: We took your appendix

Link: (stares at them and passes out from shock)

Midna: At least we're rid of his stupidity now

Zelda: If you're one of the people who haven't seen "Charlie the Unicorn" go to YouTube and put "Charlie the Unicorn" click the first one and watch it

Ilia: Now what?

RedEyed: (stares evily at Link)

Midna: No, you will not take anymore body parts from Link

RedEyed and Lk17: Aww pickles!

Zelda: Pickles?

RedEyed: Yeah I'm hungry

Ilia: Always put something random on a chapter

Lk17: We know

Midna: If you have ideas on how to embarrass Link please review and tell us

Zelda: Do it for Charlie!

Everyone: CANDY MOUNTAIN!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Zelda: Link, How could you do this to me? (snickers)

Link: I (snickers) had to because- (laughs)

Lk17: CUT!

RedEyed: This is theater! You can't laugh while acting!

Ilia: Umm……. You guys know you're on live right?

Zelda, Link, RedEyed, Lk17: (Turn to stare at the camera) WHAT!?

Midna: (Behind the glass on a microphone) We came in here and saw a big, red button that said "Go on air" it was big, red and shiny! We couldn't resist!

Zelda, Link, RedEyed and Lk17: You mean they saw our little pre show play!?

Link: That wasn't supposed to go on!

Ilia: You guys realize your still on right?

Everyone except Midna and Ilia: (Blinks) TURN IT OFF!!!!!!!

Midna: Umm………..I don't how

Zelda: Unplug it!

RedEyed: I'm sooooo going to get you (runs off screen and unplugs camera)

(RedEyed and Lk17 yell violent things)

Zelda: You guys only shut off the visual appearance they can still hear us.

(RedEyed and Lk17 look at the camera dumbly and continue to yell violent things)

Zelda: Want to go on a break?

Link: Sure (Leaves)

(Midna and Ilia are in the corner crying while being yelled at……………….VIOLENTLY)

(Camera shuts off for about a half hour and comes back on again with RedEyed and Lk17 standing in front of it nervously)

Lk17: Heh…..Um sorry about that folks

RedEyed: Yeah next time we wont leave Midna and Ilia in the camera room alone again (Stares at them)

Zelda: Now that the chaos is over we will introduce our new segment

Everyone except Link: Embarrassing questions to ask Link!

Link: Lord have mercy

Lk17: Ok who did you take on your first date?

Ilia: (listens closely)

Link: Well I uh…….never took a girl out yet

Midna: (Sarcastically) Wow that's a shock

RedEyed: If you have an embarrassing questions please review and tell us

Lk17: We also have another announcement, we will be changing the title to "Torturing

Link!"

Link: Oh………joy

Zelda: Yep joy for us!

RedEyed: Oh and one more thing, Link we didn't take your appendix

Lk17: Yeah we only said that to scare you

Link: If it wasn't for that wall of weapons over there I would have gotten you so bad

Ilia: What are you going to do? Pinch them to death?

_Then they heard loud kabooms, they looked into the security camera and saw an angry mob with pitchforks and torches._

_Link: We're doomed!_

_Zelda: (smacks him) Shut up_

_Random Protester: We're here because of Charlie the Unicorn!_

_Lk17: What? Charlie isn't here_

_Midna: Yeah those other unicorns took all his body parts and he dies because he had no organs left_

_Protester: No he's not! He's right there! (points at Link)_

_Zelda: You think Link is Charlie?_

_Ilia: Oh yeah! We did a play on him! Remember?_

_Link: How do we get rid of them?_

_RedEyed and Lk17: Easily like this? (hands out weapons to everyone from the weapon wall)_

_Midna: Ooohhhhh I got a flame thrower!_

_Zelda: I got a machine gun!_

_Ilia: I got a mace!_

_Link: I got a stick? What am I supposed to do with a stick?_

_Lk17: You can uh……………scare a first grader, anyway CHARGE! (holds out mallet while riding a lion)_

_Zelda: (laughs nervously) Uh….where did you get a lion?_

_Lk17: I know a guy, can we please get to the violence now?_

_Midna: YAY! Violence!_

_RedEyed: ATTACK! (Rides on a dragon from the sky while it is breathing fire on the mob) MWAHAHAH!!!! Fear me people! (holds out a large sword with red liquid on it)_

Lk17: What do you guys think of our computer graphics?

Ilia: Why put something that random in here?

RedEyed and Lk17: Your point?

Everyone: (Sighs)

Link: (mumbles) You gave me a stick

????: Ha ha! Who want's to be my special friend?

RedEyed: Lord give me strength it's him

Everyone: BARNEY!!!!!!

RedEyed: Ahhh! Take the boy! (pushes Link toward Barney)

Link: Why me?

Ilia: Haven't you seen the title change?

Midna: Get him Barney!

Barney: Ha ha ha! Come here! (squishes Link in a bear hug)

RedEyed: Hold it! Didn't I kill Barney in one of the previous chapters?

Zelda: Yeah, you did, you said you were mad that day because he didn't pick and read your letter

RedEyed: What kind of imposter are you?

Barney: (Takes off his dinosaur costume) I'm not Barney

RedEyed: You mean Barney's not real!? (Whimpers in a corner)

Link: Umm…. As much as I like seeing RedEyed like this can you please let go of me!?

Guy in the Barney costume: Oh sorry I forgot (lets go of the hug he is having with Link)

Lk17: Are you going to be ok RedEyed?

RedEyed: (Eyes turn red from anger)

Ilia: Holy flamingoes! Look at her eyes they are red!

Midna: Maybe because her name is "RedEyed"

Ilia: Oh, I knew that

Zelda: Sure you did

RedEyed: Do you guys remember that poem of how I killed Barney?

Everyone: It's hard to forget

RedEyed: Well if Barney isn't real who did I kill then?

Lk17: (stares blankly at her)

RedEyed: Well since Barney isn't real I'm going to make the poem come true on the guy who is in the Barney costume.

Midna: (Stares with interest)

Guy in the Barney costume: Does this always happen to you?

Link: You have no idea and yet I don't even know why I still have hope

RedEyed: Still having hope god will give you a brain? Anyway back to business (Stares at the Barney costume guy)

Guy in the Barney costume: Ok I'm getting scared so I'll be leaving now

RedEyed: Don't worry I'm a nice person! (holds axe) Come closer

(RedEyed drags Imposter Barney into a prison chamber and leave)

Zelda: When did we get a prison chamber?

Ilia: Let me guess, you know a guy

RedEyed: Well in this case I know 3 guys and Walt Disney

Lk17: (blinks) Walt Disney?

RedEyed: Yeah! He designed the Chamber for me

Winnie the Pooh: Hello? How did I get here?

Midna: Great now since you brought up Walt Disney we have another problem

Pooh: Let's see how did I get here. Think, Think, Think

Lk17: Can someone get him out of here!?

Link: I have an idea!

Everyone: We're doomed

Zelda: Whatever you do, DO NOT call Tigger

Link: Oh fine sheesh

RedEyed: Hey I know Pooh Bear look honey! (Points to the prison chamber)

Pooh: Oh goody! (runs into prison chamber and RedEyed locks the door)

Lk17: Ok now where is Link?

Link: (Behind prison chamber door) RedEyed that was NOT funny get me out of here!

Ilia: RedEyed you're a genius

Link: Ew………..Ew…………EW!!!!! WHAT IS THAT!?!?!?

RedEyed: Oh did I forget to mention a have a dragon in there?

Link: (runs around in circles screaming like a girl)

Lk17: Is there really a dragon in there?

Zelda: No she just said that to mess with him

Midna: Clever

Link: (Still screaming like a girl)

RedEyed: If you liked this totally RANDOM chapter review and give us an idea of how to torture Link.

Ilia: I mean COME ON people! Still not that hard the button is RIGHT THERE

Zelda: Again sorry to all those to have to witness Ilia's mental retardness

Link: (Still screaming like a girl)

(Lk17 and RedEyed get distracted by a big, red button they press it and the whole studio goes out)

Lk17: Whoops wrong button

RedEyed: Maybe it's this one (Presses a random button through the dark and dancing pigs come out)

Zelda: Still wrong

Midna: (sighs) I'll do it

Ilia: NO you know what happened to us when we touched the camera device

Midna: Oh right

Lk17: Maybe this is the one (Presses a button and lizard demons come out and attacks everyone)

Zelda: REDEYED WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?

RedEyed: What? I thought they were cool

Lk17 and RedEyed: Want us to press another button? (stares hopefully)

Everyone: NO


	7. Chapter 7

Lk17: Hi guys!!

RedEyed: (sleeping AGAIN)

Lk17: REDEYED WAKE UP!!

RedEyed: Ahhhh!! I SWEAR OFFICER I WAS ONLY GOING 80!!

Zelda: ?? Uh…aren't you supposed to go under 80 in the highway?

Link: In her little world I guess not

Lk17: ANYWAY we are here to welcome our one chapter guest…..

Everyone: GANONDORF!!

RedEyed: Bring the fattie out here!

Everyone except RedEyed: (whispering)

Midna: Uh… RedEyed we have to tell you something

Link: REDEYED YOU HAVE TO BE MORE SENSATIVE!!

RedEyed: (eyes turn red from anger) Excuse me? NO ONE COMMANDS ME!!

Lk17: No RedEyed! He is right! You have to be more sensitive!

RedEyed: But-I-but ARRGGHH!! Fine

Lk17: Good

Link: (throws a celebration party)

Zelda: So where is Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: Right here! (walks into studio oddly)

Midna: Why are you walking funny?

Ganondorf: Because I uh… split my pants

Everyone: HAHAHAHAH!!

Lk17: How did you split it?

Ganondorf: I wanted to pick a pretzel of the floor and well it happened

RedEyed: No wonder they split! Next time try picking some vegetable off the floor!

Zelda: RedEyed

RedEyed: What?

Link: You're doing it again

RedEyed: Oh right

Ganondorf: Well I better go

Midna: Why so soon?

Ganondorf: Believe me you don't want to know OH look a pretzel! (bends down revealing a thong)

Everyone even viewers: OMGOMGOMGOMG!! AAAHHHHHH!!

RedEyed: I'M TRYING TO BE MORE SENSATIVE AND YOU'RE WEARING A THONG!?

Ganondorf: I warned you. You don't want to know

Zelda: Just get out the viewers don't deserve this!!

Ganondorf: (walks toward door) Oh wait forgot my keys! (bends over couch with butt toward door)

Ilia: (walks in) Soory I'm late guys OMG!! MY EYES!! GONONDORF WHY ARE YOU WEARING A THONG!? I COME INSIDE ONLY TO SEE THIS!!

Zelda: (throws him out the door)

Lk17: Good job!

Link: ……………..

Midna: Link what's wrong?

Link: I'm BLIND!!

RedEyed: Hahahah! He went blind from Ganondorf thong! (phone rings)

Lk17: Hello? (pauses) Uh..RedEyed it's for you

RedEyed: Hello? (pauses) WHAT?! NO I WILL NOT! (pauses) Really? Fine. Only because I don't want to get sued!!

Everyone: (so curious)

RedEyed: Because we humiliated Ganon "dork" on live I have to fold his underwear or we will get sued

Link: Uhh…….well good luck!

RedEyed: (gets his package of underwear) ARRGGH!!

Zelda: Well at least you understand how we feel when your mean to us

RedEyed: Why is that?

Everyone: HAHAHAHAH!!

RedEyed: This punishment is cruel and unusual! (picks up boxer and folds it) This is cruel. (picks up ANOTHER thong and shows it to everyone) AND THIS IS UNUSUAL!!

Midna: Well what are you going to do about it?

RedEyed: THIS!! (throws underwear in a fireplace)

Ilia: That's one way to put it

Link: Now what are we going to do?

Teletubies: HI HI!!

RedEyed: (smiles evily) I know

Lk17: RedEyed? (pauses to think) NO YOU WLL NOT!

RedEyed: (brings out chainsaw) Hey Teletubie! Over here into this back alley there is uh….RAINBOW!

Teletubie: Really? YAY YAY! (walks into back alley)

Everyone: NO DON'T DO IT!! (sounds of chainsaw and high screams are heard)

Zelda: Too late

RedEyed: (walks out of alley happy) Well that was fun!

Link: (backs away slighty)

RedEyed: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKINGAT!?

Link: (cries in a corner with a raincloud over his head)

Ilia: Wow she is really anger this chapter

RedEyed: I'm not mad I'm just extra evil today

Midna: I'm bored

RedEyed: DEAL WITH IT!!

Lk17: Uh…….see you next time on-

Link: If there is a next time. She might blow up the whole studio!

Lk17: Well you got a point there. Well when she cools down a bit then we'll come back

RedEyed: YOU BETTER REVIEW IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ME!!


	8. Chapter 8

Midna: HELLO!

Zelda: AND WELCOME!!

Link: To a place I really don't want to be right now

Lk17: Hey guys long time no see! But sadly I have a bummer to you all.

RedEyed: Do to some………."problems" We have to make this more appropriate for 5 year olds (not really)

Ilia: That means NO KILLING BABY CARTOON CHARACTERS!!

RedEyed: (sulks in a corner)

Midna: I guess we better start

Zelda: HI THERE!!

Link: What's your name?

Lk17: Do you like to play games?

Ilia: Do you like fluffy animals on a farm?

Zelda: I have an idea!

Everyone: What?!

Zelda: Let's all make the sounds of farm animals!!

Midna: Everybody Stand up! Come on kids! Stand up!

RedEyed: Let's moo like a cow kids!! QUACK!!

Everyone: (stares at RedEyed blankly)

RedEyed: What?

Lk17: A cow doesn't quack

RedEyed: …………..really?

Link: (sigh) At least she's not Dora

Zelda: Yeah she is as blind as a bat

RedEyed: Shall we demonstrate Lk17?

Lk17: Let's

RedEyed: WHERE'S SWIPER!!

Lk17: In the tree!!

RedEyed: In the bush?

Lk17: No you blind idiot! IN THE TREE!!

RedEyed: In the sky!? (looks up)

Lk17: O.O

Ilia: Well you do have a point there

Midna: RedEyed, can you do me a favor?

RedEyed: What?

Midna: can you tell me what that guy over there is doing with a gun?

Everyone: WHAT!?

Link: DUCK IN COVER!!

Zelda: (Hides under a chair) I SWEAR MOMMY I WAS A GOOD GIRL!!

Guy with the gun: Give me the money!

Lk17: What money?!

Guy with the gun: The money fool! This IS a bank!

Midna: What?

Link: Looks like we found someone that's more blind that Dora

Everyone: REDEYED!!

RedEyed: I got it (pulls out chainsaw and drags the robber to a dark room)

Zelda: I wonder what she'll- (sound of chainsaw blares through the room)

Robber: (still in the room) AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! MY ARMS!! YOU CUT THEM OFF!!

Ilia: Uh……I'm not even going to ask

Lk17: I thought we were supposed to make this 5 year old appropriate

RedEyed: (comes out of the room) You know what I say? SCREW APPROPIATE!!

Link: Uhhhh!! SORRY TO ALL LITTLE VIEWERS THAT HAVE TO WITNESS THIS!!

Zelda: RedEyed?

RedEyed: Yeah?

Zelda: What's that?

RedEyed: (Looks outside window) AWWW!! It's my dragon!! Lk17 look! Rianix is here!!

Lk17: (fiddling with a bag)

Midna: What are ya doing Lk17?

Lk17: Reading the ingredients of this frozen strawberry ice cream

Link: What are the ingredients for it?

Lk17: Ok lets see Strawberry and………… Ice cream

Zelda: ??

RedEyed: Who's a good little dragon? You are yes you are!!

Midna: This turned out to be one weird chapter

RedEyed: (still talking like an idiot to the dragon)

Lk17: uhh….bye?

Link: Is that a question or do you mean it?

Lk17: I…………..dont know


	9. Chapter 9

RedEyed: Hey Everyone!

Lk17: Hi!

Link: (sleeping)

Midna: Link you better wake up or something ugly will happen.

Link: (still sleeping)

Zelda: Well he was warned

RedEyed and Lk17: (brings out a mallet and hits Link HARD)

Midna: Here (gives everyone earplugs) You'll need them.

Link: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

Midna: Told ya.

Ilia: (sighs) One of our reviews asked if we could do another flashback

Lk17: So we're going to do it!

iPodJunkie: Thanks guys! I was waiting for this!

Link: I wasn't!

RedEyed: This is a recent flashback, it was when we pranked Link!

Zelda: Wow good times….

iPodJunkie: can I just see the flashback now??

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Link: Hello? (silence) Where is everyone?

RedEyed: (in a completely different room) He he this is going to be soooo much fun!

Lk17: Wait until he thinks it ACTUALLY talking to him

Zelda: Well Link can be retarted sometimes

Midna: (mumbles) Not as much as Ilia

Ilia: Hey! I heard that!

RedEyed: QUIET! Look he is going to watch T.V now time for our prank! Turn it on!

Lk17: (presses a button and the T.V by Link turns on)

T.V: Hi!

Link: AHHH!! WHO"S THERE!?

T.V Channel: My name is Naruto Uzumaki! And I'm going to be the world's greatest ninja!

Link: Oh! It's only the T.V (sits down to watch)

T.V Channel: (pink haired girl punches Naruto) Enough with that already!

RedEyed: Ok change it to something else!

Zelda: (presses a button)

T.V: (changes channel) Toboe! Be careful! The ice might crack!

Link: Hey what gives? What is this show? Oh well, don't know where the remote is.

T.V Channel: Don't worry Tsume! I'm fine! (ice cracks and Toboe falls in) AND NOW I'M NOT!!

Midna: And now for the best part change it! Change it!!

Ilia: (presses another button)

T.V: (changes channel again) Say map! Say map!

Link: Are you…….talking to me?

T.V: Come on! Say map!

Link: Map….

T.V: Say it louder!

Link: MAP!!

T.V: I'm the map! I'm the map! I'm the map! I'm the map! I'm the map! I'm the map!

Link: OK I GET IT YOU'RE A FREAKING MAP!!

T.V: I'm the map! I'm the MAAAPPPP!! Ok kids now you tell Dora this is how you get to Pony Island

Link: uhhhh…….Ok?

T.V: Now you tell Dora first you have to go through Crocodile Lake! Then go through the dancing forest and that's how you will get to Pony Island! Say it with me. Lake, forest , Pony Island!

Link: Lake, forest, PONY ISLAND!

T.V: Lake, forest, Pony Land! Lake, forest, Pony Island! Lake, forest Pony Island!

Link: OMG!! I GET IT! NO NEED TO MAKE THE VIEWERS FEEL RETATRTED!!

T.V: Lake, forest, PONY ISLAND!! Lake, forest, PONY ISLAND!!

Link: Hey you listen to me map! You don't have to repeat yourself! WE ARE NOT RETARTED!!

Lk17: Is he really talking to the T.V?

Midna: Wow dumber than I thought

T.V: Lake. Forest, Pony Isla-

Link: (Unplugs T.V)

Zelda: Aww……he unplugged it! Now how are we going to mess with him?

RedEyed and Lk17: (evil grin) Turn on the microphone

Midna: Umm…..ok

RedEyed: LINK!!

Link: OMG!! Mother is that you?

Lk17: What? No it's umm…it's

Ilia: GOD!

Everyone except Ilia: WHAT!?

Lk17: uh..uh YES!! It's is me God

Link: What have I done to displease you sir?

Zelda: you did not finish watching Dora!

Link: I know but-

Midna: SILENCE! You have displeased me! And for that I will make you suffer!

RedEyed: (presses a button and monkeys come out and beat up Link)

Link: I'M SORRY!!

Lk17: (in a much softer voice) Link…..

Link: Who is that?

Ilia: Link it's me. Can't you remember?

Link: Mother?

Zelda: uh… Yes! It's me. Mommy.

Link: (sniff) Mommy?

RedEyed: yes?

Link: Can you sing me my lullaby again?

RedEyed; What the heck?! No I'm not going to sing you no lullaby!

Link: Hey! Is that Daddy with you?

Lk17: (whacks RedEyed) Uhh….Yes! it's me.

Link: You never did love me

RedEyed: Link

Link: Yes Dad?

RedEyed: Go and watch Dora

Link: What? It's all a tense moment and you want me to watch a show that makes kids feel like they have thinking disorders!?

Ilia; Uh…Yeah that's it

Link: Ok

Zelda: (turns off microphone) Hmm…. Is he really that stupid?

RedEyed: Ilia GET BACK HERE!!

Ilia: AHHH!!

Lk17: Why did you say we were God??

RedEyed: I AM NOT THE LORD!! I CANNOT BLESS PEOPLE!!

Ilia: Sorry! I was on the spot!

Midna: Whatever because you know what? I got this all on video!

Zelda: Great now we can use it for a flashback or something!

Lk17: Ok good shut this off before he finds out

RedEyed: Right (presses a button and Lizard demon come out AGAIN and attacks everyone AGAIN)

Everyone: REDEYED!!

RedEyed: Ahh! What?! They're cool!

Everyone: (Stares at her)

RedEyed: (sighs) Fine (takes an axe and destroys button)

Ilia: Good (presses another button and dancing pigs come out)

RedEyed: Heh heh………………BYE!!

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iPodJunkie: Hahha!! Funny! Great job as usual guys!

RedEyed: Yeah but the ending wasn't really necessary was it guys?

Everyone: (whistling)

Link: O.O YOU MADE ME WATCH DORA!! ARGGHHH!! I would be better off having RedEyed throw me in a closet and beat me with a metal baseball bat then watch Dora!

RedEyed: (smiles evily) Really? (ties link in a closet and beats him up)

IPodJunkie: Does this always happen?

Lk17: Do you read this fic?

IPodJunkie: Oh…..right

Zelda: There you have it folks!

Ilia: Bye!

Midna: (waits a few seconds) What? Your STILL here?! GET OUT!!

Everyone: (sighs at the authors retartedness)


	10. Chapter 10

Twilight: Hey guys! As you have seen I changed my name

Lk17: guess what guys?

Midna: LAST CHAPTER!!

Link: YES YES YES!! (ahem) I mean awwww………hehe

Zelda: She didn't finish

Ilia: Twilight (who was originally RedEyed) will make a new fic…………..that will torture us all.

Twilight: I'm still bummed only tow reviewers liked this and review sooooooooooo………………..THEY WILL BE THE GUESTS TONIGHT!!

IpodJunkie: Hey guys!

Hakusgirl: What's up?

Lk17: Now to make this fun a last chapter party!! Whheeee!!

Midna: Who shall we prank first?

Link: Hey can I make the prank?

Everyone: (gasp)

Link: What?

Everyone: (stares at Twilight)

Twilight: umm……ok (hands him the phone)

IpodJunkie: Are you sure about this?

Link: Let's call Pizza Hut!

Everyone: (collapeses)

Link: SSSHHHHH!! It's ringing…..(pauses) umm hi! Woul-

Zelda: In an accent stupid!

Link: Ahem (french accent) Yeeessssss I would like a pinnaple anchovie pizza please

Ilia and Midna: EW!

Link: (pauses) Where do I live? I LIVE ON THIS EARTH STUPID! (pauses) OK now you just offended me! I will NEVER eat here again! (hangs up)

Hakusgirl: That's not the way you do it!

Link: really?

IpodJunkie: NO! you do it like this! (looks out the window) Perfect its raining! (dials a random number) HELP!! WE ARE BEING ATTACKED FROM TINY ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE!! AND THE SKY IS FALLING!!

Spongebob: Really?? OMG Lets go by Sqiudward Garry!

Lk17: You called Spongebob?

IpodJunkie: Something wrong?

Twilight: COOL! I found 2 people who think just like me!

Everyone: WE'RE DOOMED!!

Twilight Hakisgirl IpodJunkie: (takes out mallet flamethrower and chainsaw) What did you say?

Link: God I cant wait untill this is over!

Midna: Don't get your hopes up she going to make another fic that will torrture us ALL

Link: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!

Zelda: Sooooooo now what?

Twilight: Let's go visit Sonic!

Ilia: Who?

Twilight: SSSSSSSSOOOOOONNNNNNNIIIIIIIIICCCCCCC!!

Hakusgirl: Ok she lost it

Lk17: Isnt this supposed to be a Zelda fic?

Twilight: (looks around) Maybe

IpodJunkie: ummmm……………

(Akward silence) (glass breaking)

Link: TWILIGHT WHAT DID YOU BREAK!?

Twilight: (comes out of the bath room) I didn't do anything!

Midna: ummm……..

Twilight: AWWWW!! Rianix came back!!

Hakusgirl: Oh god DUCK IN COVER!!

Zelda: (sigh) Didn't they say you could have a fire breathing dragon in the studio??

Twilight: (brings out battle axe) STAY AWAY FROM MY PRECIOUS!!

Ilia: AAAHHHH!! TWILIGHT WENT MAD!!

Twilight: (swinging the axe crazily) MWHAHAHAHAH!!

Link: Hide under the table!

Twilight: (swings axe and it slips out of her grasp out the window)

Lk17: Well at least that's over.

Random Person: AHH MY EYE! Who throught his Axe at me??

IpodJunkie: Oh boy…………….

Midna: Turn the camera off this is going to get ugly!!

Zelda: (unplugs camera)

(Camera comes back on and everyone is cover in PB and J)

Ilia: (pant) did you have to (pant) Blow up the car Twilight?

Link: That's it I'm leaving!

Twilight: Sorry I locked all the doors so nobody could get out (starts eating a sandwhich)

Hakusgirl: And how much food do we have

Twilight: (still eating the sandwhich) A Sandwhich

Everyone: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

IpodJunkie: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!

Twilight: Heyy heyyyyy lets not get to nasty…..check out what I did.

Everyone: (Turns toward a big screen T.V)

Dora: (tied to a post over acid) GET ME OUT OF HERE!!

Twilight: AHH! Wrong channel! (flips through random channels) Here It is!!

T.V: (shows a random person by their car) Ahhh what a beautiful day! (goes inside car)

Lk17: (thinking) NO DON'T GO IN THE-

T.V: (car blows up)

Link: O.O (back away)

Twilight: What?

Midna: (Runs out the door)

Ilia: (jumps through the window)

Zelda: (flushes self down the toilet)

Lk17: (digs a hole until she reached out side)

Twilight: Sooooooooo I guess it's just me and you guys……

Hakusgirl: Yup

IpodJunkie: Uh huh……….

All three of us: (evil grin) (changes channel to torrturing Dora)

Dora: HHHHHHELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!!

Three of us: (laughing are heads off)

Twilight; I know what your thinking

IpodJunkie: this chapter sucked

Hakusgirl: But in the upcoming fic "Ask the Zelda Crew" It will be MUCH more funny

Twilight: BBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE


End file.
